One thing that everyone has spoken, and even speaking is about the resilience the kids have shown in the series of lockdowns and curfews. When their active social world (attending school, going on playdates, general playing with friends, etc) has turned into a digital world, they were still able to cope up with support from parents. The lesson parents can learn from this situation is that by nature the children have a resilience nature. But only we parents are wittingly or unwittingly destroying it and then trying to enroll our kids into various classes and sessions, to convert them into resilient kids.
Resilience in Early Years:
The child is born resilient only. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to crawl or walk, let alone learning the different life skills he has to learn during the growing-up years. But, then we see so many teenage kids and even adults running away from problems and taking a step back when they face adversity. Some people might even take extreme steps when adversity knocks on their door.
Have you ever wondered, why this is happening? The fault lies with us the parents solely for this situation in which kids are not able to face their lives with equanimity. Whether you believe it or not, this is the hard-hitting and bitter-tasting pill that all parents have to swallow these days. That’s one of the primary reasons why most parents keep searching for tips to raise resilient kids.
In all our love and affection, we never let our children face any problem or let them struggle on their own. How many of you would have rushed to tie the shoelaces of your child, when he is struggling as a toddler? Let me accept my mistake here, even I did it, till the time my child has joined a Montessori school. Only after I was introduced to all the Montessori parenting techniques, I realized the importance of my kid struggling and conquering each and every single task.
That’s the reason why this blog aims to discuss the tips that the parents should remember not to do so that they can safeguard the inherent resilience in the kids.
Tips to raise the Resilient Kids:
Don’t pass on our anxieties and insecurities to the kids: Kids are good observers and they take cues from our face and body language. That’s why even when we are anxious, our kids tend to pick up that anxiousness. So, we need to become mentally strong and capable to handle our anxieties and insecurities in a positive way.
Don’t jump to help them: Whenever our kids are struggling with any task, we as parents need to practice restraint and wait for the kid to approach us for help. Sometimes, the kids can conquer the task at hand, on their own without our help at all. That’s when their self-confidence levels will bloom.
Don’t provide all the answers: Even though we know the answers to their questions or problems, don’t be the answer provider for them. Let them research and come with a solution. This will help the kids deal with the uncertainty and deal with the potential challenges they might face while solving the uncertainty. This will help in building their problem-solving skills.
Don’t brush off their feelings: Kids are also little human beings and they do have feelings. Instead of brushing them off and making them do the things we want, we need to make the kids aware that we do respect their feelings. Once the kids understand that their feelings and emotions are respected by their parents, then they will keep their communication channels open with us. That way, we can really help them when they are in dire need.
Don’t hide your fears or your kid’s fears under the pillows: Most of us have some or other fears in life. Instead of having the fear and not willing to take the risk to overcome those fears, we need to show the kids that we do face those fears head-on and conquer them. That will help the kids to face their fears heads on.
Characteristics of Resilient Kids:
Once we stop doing the above things, then slowly over a period of time, we can observe that our kid’s resilient mindset is bouncing back. The following are the characteristics of resilient kids.
Highly confident: They know that they can handle any situation or problem easily
Good Problem-solving skills: They know that they are competent enough to handle any challenges or situations. They have the confidence that they will find their way out.
Have strong connections to people around them: They have strong relationships with their friends and family members, as they feel that they are safe and protected in their own network.
Contributors: They all have the confidence that they are doing something good either for their team or to themselves or even to the world in a bigger picture. They want to be part of everything and make their voice heard.
Compassionate: These kids are highly compassionate and are able to understand others’ feelings easily. This comes naturally to them, as they are able to identify various emotions and feelings within themselves.
Coping Skills: They have excellent coping mechanism to keep themselves safe and sane during any adversity.
Resilient kids have a wonderful growth mindset and good confidence. So encouraging the kids to develop them by not overreacting or passing our insecurities to them is the best way to build their resilience.