Trust is honestly a very complex phenomenon and at the same time most commonly used word. Of course, it might sound paradoxical, if we look at this word from a philosophical way. But that’s how today’s world is working. Do you remember this small game you played with toddlers in the house, just for fun? As extended family members, or neighbors, we always keep asking, while playing with toddlers and kids as to “who is their favorite person“. The kid at that point names whom he can trust completely without any fear. That is the starting point of the Trust for a Child. Though the word “Trust” is not familiar to him, the child trusts the parents blindfolded at that point in time.
Slowly, as the child starts growing up, the parenting stress and other external factors take a toll on the trust the child has built in us. The lack of quality time with parents is one of the major culprits due to which the parents tend to lose this child’s trust. Due to time constraints, we always give preference to the child’s physical needs rather than the mental needs. That is the reason, why the children are developing a lot of insecurities like childhood depression, stress, and loneliness, as they don’t have anyone to share their secrets with. This is especially true in the current pandemic world.
Signs that show your Child trusts you?
When your child is a baby or a toddler, you can always make out that he trusts you, as he would reach out to you whenever he is in some distress or uncomfortable. But as he grows a little older, as his world is getting bigger and bigger, you wouldn’t be there all the time with him. Then how do you know that he still really trusts you? It still boils down to the fact to how he shows that he loves you. At this point, we also should remember that not all kids are expressive and they don’t outwardly express their love or trust to you. Then what are the few signs that you can look forward to?
- Out of a blue, he gets you a flower or makes a card for you without any occassion.
- He tries to share all his secrets with you.
- He comes from the school directly to you (whether he tries to open up about the school or not)
- He wants to play those silly games with you once in a while.
- He tries to seek your attention most of the times.
Even if your child doesn’t do any of those mentioned above, you don’t have to sweat a lot, as it’s never too late to build that trust with your child.
Techniques to be used to earn your Child’s trust
- Really Really Listen: Show your child that you really care for him and listen to him whenever he reaches out to you. Keep away from all the work and dedicate your time to him at that moment.
- Don’t react or over-react: When the child is divulging his secrets, all he needs is a shoulder to lean on. For that matter, even we as adults only need the listening partners to hear our rants, isn’t it? The same goes for the child too. So stop reacting or even overreacting when the child is talking to you.
- Keep the Confidences: Whatever the child shares with you, give him the confidence that it stays with you only. Don’t share his secrets with anyone including your own partner too. At times that level of confidence is needed.
- Don’t break any Promises: Don’t break any promises to your child. If you think that you can not keep up that promise, we shouldn’t even promise to him in the first stage. Agreed in the parenting journey, that will not happen all the time. So when you are not able to keep up with the promise, please tell the child the reason why you couldn’t keep up that promise and also ask for an excuse from him.
- Be a role model: When you want the child to trust, you also show that you appreciate his trust in you. Practice what you preach, that’s the best to get to the child’s heart. You also have to show that you trust him completely.
Lastly, consistency is the main key in our parenting journey, which we need to use very effectively. So that our child will understand what to expect from us in different situations. And the same goes true with us too, we know what to expect from the child, only if the rules of the house are consistent.