Positive Parenting Tips: Why doesn’t my toddler share? What can I do?

Welcome to the brand new episode of the ASK A FRIEND series. This episode discusses the problem raised by one of my podcast listeners. It’s about how to teach the concept of sharing to their toddler. They asked me why doesn’t my toddler share and what I can do.

For toddlers and young children, if they see, it’s theirs, if they hold it, then also it’s theirs.

Simplified Parenting and Emotionally Healthy Child Podcast Show

Tune into the podcast episode (either in Telugu or English) on the embedded player here now, or listen to it on any of your favorite podcast platforms. If reading is your forte, scroll down for the show’s transcript.

Podcast in English

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Podcast in Telugu

Here is my podcast episode in Telugu about how to respond when kids ask for more screen time.

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The transcript for the episode “Mommy – That boy has taken all my toys!”

Here is the transcript for the podcast episode addressing the question, “Why doesn’t my toddler share? What to do?”

Hello Friends, welcome back to the ASK A FRIEND SERIES in the Simplified Parenting and Emotionally Healthy Child Podcast show. I am your host Suhasini from Mommyshravmusings.

In today’s episode, let’s talk about sharing. We all know that sharing is caring, and we want to teach our children about sharing. 

But when we leave our children in a room full of toys, they will go only towards that particular toy that their friend or sibling is playing with. And then starts another world war 3 in their viewpoint.

Even though we jump in to save the day, we often fail, as kids will not listen to us; even if they listen to us, they will be grumpy until another toy catches their fancy.

As parents, we sometimes wonder where we are going wrong in teaching our children a fundamental life lesson. How will they survive in the future?

But honestly, tell me, my dear friends… didn’t we all learn to share in our lives. Do you remember when we knew it?

We would have learned it only after entering grade 1 or reaching five years. Until then, even our parents would have been there resolving the sharing issues that arise with our friends or siblings.

During their toddlerhood, kids learn about a sense of ownership and a sense of time. For them, if a toy goes out of their hands, even within the same room, it’s like it’s gone forever. And even if we tell them that, the other kid will give it back to you after 5 minutes; they can’t understand what that 5 minutes means. For them, it’s like forever.

So for them, if they see, it’s theirs; if they hold it, it’s theirs. But some of you wonder, my little champ is not like this in the house; why is he behaving like this outside the home? For that, the answer is straightforward, my dear friends (if you want to quote Sherlock Holmes)

As I told you earlier, they are developing their individualism. And for them, you, as a mom/dad, is just an extension of them. During their toddlerhood, all the kids see you as their self. They will understand that you are a different person from them only after they reach their milestone birthday (1^st year). Some toddlers develop it earlier.

Though they started identifying you as another individual, for them, you are still part of their ownership, and whatever is there with you will belong only to them.

That’s why they will share willingly with you but not with others. In the same way, if they have elder siblings at home, these young kids will also share toys with the elder siblings with relative ease.

Hence, parents, we need some patience to teach the concept of sharing to our young ones. We can use elder siblings as role models to share this concept. If this younger one is your first or only child, you can use stories and role plays to teach sharing to your kids.

A word of caution here. If you start forcing your toddler to share toys, you are developing some negative traits you want to avoid when they grow a little older.

By forcefully making the child share toys, they tend to internalize the feeling that with loud wails and cries, we can make parents do whatever they want.

I have written a detailed blog post about how to start teaching the concept of sharing to your little kids. I will give the link to that blog post in the show notes, and you can refer to it for further guidance.

I hope you liked today’s topic. Please do share your comments. If you like these episodes, don’t forget to share them with your friends, subscribe to this podcast show and rate it if possible.

You can check my other previous podcasts here.